prayer for discernment

Oh Lord,

I do not know what to ask you.

You alone know my real needs,

and you love me more

than I even know how to love. 

Enable me to discern my true needs

which are hidden from me.

I ask for neither cross nor consolation;

I wait in patience for you.

My heart is open to you. 

For your great mercy's sake,

come to me and help me.

Put your mark on me and heal me,

cast me down and raise me up.

Silently I adore your holy will

and your inscrutable ways.

I offer myself in sacrifice to you

and put all my trust in you.

I desire only to do your will.

Teach me how to pray

and pray in me, yourself.

--Vasily Drosdov Philaret, c. 1780 - 1867

failure to trust.

Dear Lord,

I'm sorry that the past few days I let myself fall back into the old routine of keeping You separate from a lot of aspects of my life. I hate keeping You small and I guess I'm doing it because I'm home so I'm slipping into old habits but I know there is no excuse.

Something I learned today is that prayer requires endurance. I asked You to make my desires match Yours and when mine didn't seem to change, only deepen, I thought maybe this is how You wanted me to feel. But now I'm thinking that's not the case. I'm thinking I need to continue to pray this prayer multiple times a day and I need to really mean it. 

Thank You for continuing to send me gifts that reflect Your love for me. They are worth more than any material gift that will be exchanged this Christmas. I love You Lord. I know not enough, but thank You for having patience with me everyday.

The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit.

Psalm 51:17

reminder.

I often forget something so simple, yet so important. You are God, and I am not. 

You are God, and I am not. This is not about me. This is about You. I do not understand the desires of the heart I call my own and I am not meant to. 

Take control of my heart, Lord. Stop letting me have control over it because I tend to lead it to pain. I'm laying everything down at Your feet. When I walk away from my computer tonight I will let go of the worries I seem to be grasping so tightly. And for what? For nothing. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I can accomplish nothing on my own. If I put it in Your hands, You will take care of it in YOUR time, not mine. 

Thank You for this reminder, Lord. It really puts things in perspective. I wish You had a blog I could read...just saying. It would make things a heck of a lot easier ;) haha.

prayer.

Lord, I've ignored this hurt in my heart for quite some time now. I've been putting on a front, because I have made progress but I stopped working for it. I stopped trying because I stopped wanting progress. I am so weak, Lord. I let what I think I desire take over my thoughts. You know what I truly want. You know what's best for me. I trust You but not like I ought to. It's not enough to say I trust You. My thoughts must reflect that trust. This is what I pray for. I pray that I fully lean on You. I know the point of this blog was to record things that make me feel better and inspiring things I've noticed about You but tonight it's a desperate cry. I can't calm my mind enough to make a coherent prayer so here I am attempting to type out what I want to say to You. I need You, Lord. I can't do this on my own despite how many times I keep trying to. Comfort me tonight Lord. Romance me like You have been all along, but open my eyes to it. 

Let Your will be done, not mine.

Be my dream catcher, Lord.

Filter out the ones that do not coincide with Your will.

Only Your plan will bring true happiness.

Only Your plan will bring true peace.

I cannot wait for the day I can look back on this and thank You. You will heal my heart, and You will make clear Your path for me. Thank You in advance God. I love You.

Your love will comfort me tonight and always.

not so single :)

I hope you know how much you are loved. I hope you know God has written a love letter to you. A big one. Here's a snippet of it..."You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." -Song 4:7. Yup. You better believe it.

Lately it seems like people feel bad for me since I'm single. But they shouldn't because I'm not alone. I'm in a relationship just like every other Christian in the world. And I'm in love.

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called.

-Isaiah 54:5

happiness...

It's funny how we think we know what we need. Or what we desire. We think, "Oh if I could just have that one thing, then I would truly be happy." Okay that was really vague. Think about it though. "I'll be happy if...I lose five pounds, own that car, date that guy, get that job, make that team..." The list goes on and on of what we think will make us "happy."

And that's all we do. On a daily basis. Seek happiness. In people, in material things, in achievements. And we find it often. God wants us to be happy and to find joy in the lovely things He has created for us, but these things were not created to satisfy us. Rather, to give us a taste of how great God's grace is. We need to realize that only He knows what we truly want. And only He has what we truly need.

Our purpose is not to get what we want. Sometimes there's a little discomfort we have to endure to make us better. So stop worrying about that grade, or that boy, or that girl, or that job, or that team, or that prize, or whatever is currently standing between you and your God. It's not going to fill you up. It's not going to fill that void. 

Thank You for sending us Your love today, Lord.

Satisfy me Lord,

I'm begging You, to help me see

You're all I want, You're all I need

Oh, satisfy me Lord.

-Tenth Avenue North <3 

humbled.

I love life. I really, truly do. But it's not always going to be a good day. Or in this case, a good week. And it's okay. We're allowed to have our not-so-good days...i happen to be in a funk. I define a funk as a phase of your life where you just don't feel like yourself. Luckily it's only temporary and I'm excited because my hope is in the Lord and He promises a beautiful future.

God has been humbling me a lot lately and although it's kind of embarrassing it's also really awesome. Story time. I recently had to do a super time consuming project for my theatre management class. I had a partner to help me, but she didn't exactly pull her weight. I did pretty much the whole project and she did maybe one or two things for it. I really didn't mind because it wasn't that hard but it was just time consuming and annoying. I thought I did a really good job of not complaining about it but for NO REASON today I happened to complain to my friend about how I basically did the whole thing. Shame on Emily. Tonight I ran into my partner and she freaking bought me a gift. And a really freaking cute card. I feel horrible! It was too sweet :) I just wish I had held my tongue.

Story time number 2. This one isn't mine, I got this from the CCM priest. He told us that when he was in seminary school there was a man he really just did not like. I think I can speak for all of us when I say there's always that one person in your life who you just don't seem compatible with. It's unfortunate, but hey we're human and it happens. The priest said he was always trying to see Christ in this guy, and that if he did that then he would truly be able to love him like he's supposed to. But something is wrong with that, he said. We need to stop looking for Christ in others and start focusing on making sure we are showing Christ to everyone we come in contact with. 

I really love Advent/Christmas time. My project partner and the priest have both shown me excellent examples of what this season is all about. I challenge myself as well as the two of you who actually read this (lol) to push yourselves this Advent. Be as selfless as you can. We're getting older. We've known for years now that Christmas is about way more than presents. Lets show our light to as many people as we can so the world we temporarily live in will be a better place :)

Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

opening night.

Thank You for the desire You put in my heart to perform. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am that You have shared some of your performance passion with me, but I'm definitely remembering it tonight. It's opening night and I'm not performing. I'm so excited for the dancers performing and I still enjoy the excitement of an opening night but I'm longing to be the one on that stage. I want to shine for You, for Your glory, and anyone else who would watch.

You've been testing me this semester with this whole dance thing. I was comfortable with where I was at.  I knew I wasn't the best, but I was content. You want me to still be content, don't You?

I see a recurring theme in Your tests. You're asking me, "Aren't I enough?"

I'm 11 hours away from home.... "Home will always be there for you. Am I not enough for you?"

He doesn't want me back..."Isn't my love sufficient for you? It's greater than any love you'll ever find on earth."

Rejection...3 times and counting..."Isn't my acceptance of you enough? Why do you need other people including you in their group? You have Me. You don't need anyone else."

Yes Lord, You are. You are more than enough. Your love is my strength. Your grace is sufficient for me and fills me up far more than any of these earthly things can.

I may not be the one dancing, but tonight is an opening night for me too. I'm opening my heart to Your will. I surrender, Lord. Forget what I want, for I do not know what I want. Reveal to me the true desires of my heart so that my life may do nothing but please You. I am Yours.

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel love
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?

-David Crowder Band <3 

the smell of incense on a rainy day.

After a long, tiring, rainy day there is nothing more comforting than walking into the CCM building and  becoming filled with the familiar and calming scent of incense. Adoration today was exactly what I needed. To sit and be still for an hour in the presence of the Lord. Thank You for sending me Your spirit today.

Father Jim made an awesome point today. I've gotten this question so many times: "Why do you believe that you have to go to confession to receive forgiveness for your sins?" Well, that's not what we believe. God forgives us just the same if we come to Him in the quiet of our own hearts. It doesn't make a difference to Him at all where you are. He's always listening. He knows when we are truly sorry and He would never withhold his mercy from anybody.

With that said, we don't technically have to go. And using the phrase "have to" implies it's like a chore or something we must check off the to-do list to get to heaven. Where's the joy in that? Rather than thinking of it as something we have to do, we should see it as something amazing that we get to participate in. It's a celebration of the belief that God forgives us no matter what! How wonderful! And the same goes for communion. But I'll stop ranting, you get the point. :)

I hope that whoever you are, wherever you may be, you find peace today. If you find yourself in despair, find peace in knowing that this life is only temporary. There is something better in store for you and God wants you to be a part of it! But right now he needs you here, on earth. And He wants you to be happy. He hates to see you upset. If you have trouble believing this, I challenge you. Close your laptop, put your phone away, and find someplace quiet. Spend just five minutes in silence, waiting for the Lord. 

I promise you will not regret it. :)

You send the rain

and life begins.

So rain on us and reign within our lives again.

-Tenth Avenue North <3 

the awkward first post.

Hi. My name is Emily :) but You already know that. I'm writing this blog for Your glory, God. Ever since I got here to JMU, You've been overwhelming me with Your beauty, Your presence, Your mercy, and Your strength. It's about time I started writing these things down.

Like most things in life, it's a little difficult to get started. I don't know exactly what to say quite yet but I'm hoping I'll get the hang of it soon :)

Lets start with that day over Thanksgiving break. I took a bike ride with no planned destination. Haha that makes me sound so adventurous but really I just went to the office complex next to my neighborhood. It was a Sunday so the complex was pretty deserted and calm. I was thinking about the book I'm reading called "Captivating" (shameless plug: male or female, READ THIS BOOK. k thanks.) and about the part where You sent John a whale and Stasi a bunch of starfish. (You'll understand if you read the book!) I decided to try it myself. So I asked You to send me something beautiful. Here's what I got...

It was as if for that split second that I happened to take a picture You made everything come together perfectly. After looking at the picture on my phone for a second I looked up and the scene was gone. The geese were long gone and even the sun had set quite a bit.

The point is You are romancing me. I may not always realize it, but You continue to have patience with me. Thank You for working on healing my heart, Lord. I feel so much stronger than I did a few months ago and although I'm not there yet completely, I know I just need to trust You.

I want to show people how marvelous You are. Help me do this through this blog, Lord. 

<3