breathe.

I love when I am overcome with the desire to spend time with You. It's late and once again I failed to make enough time for us today. But I don't want to fall asleep without spending time with You. I miss You Lord and I love You so much. It makes both of us sad when I let my thoughts focus on them so why do I do it? I have so much to learn Lord. I want to walk with You. And what is this jealousy thing that has come up? My best friend is changing lives and instead of me being genuinely happy for her I wish it was me helping other people. You've sent me people to help so why aren't I helping them? I am so selfish Lord. Sorry this post is so scattered but I guess they all are. Okay enough ranting, You know what is in my heart.

Lord what I need is Your grace. Breathe in the Spirit You have sent me, breathe out all the bitter, all the pain, all the pride, all the shame, all the jealousy. Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me.

Praise You Lord! You make beautiful things. Make me new, I am Yours. I surrender. You are everything.

Amen <3 

who knew.

Fact: I fail at this blog. Good thing no one knows about it, right? haha. Anyways...I guess I got ahead of myself. I guess I let him be my happiness instead of You...again. Why do I always mess it up? What do I do Lord? Yes this is a desperate cry. Yes I spend time trying to make each post look like it has a solution, a hope, ending with a sweet picture and a verse. But this one is raw. I'm tired Lord. I need You to save me. Every time I get closer to You I fall. It is so much easier to fall than to get to where I was, where I want to be. Pull me out Lord. This mind is troubled and kinda going crazy. I don't even know what to pray Lord. I feel lost again. I don't want to go back to where I was but I can feel myself slipping. I know I messed up but I thought it was fixable. I prayed for your will then went against it. But can't I get a second chance? Is that even what I wan? Reveal to me what I really want, what will actually make me whole. Your love. Your grace. They're all I need. Overwhelm me with them. I hate feeling this way. I want to let You be enough for me. Don't give up on me. Please rescue me.