who knew.

Fact: I fail at this blog. Good thing no one knows about it, right? haha. Anyways...I guess I got ahead of myself. I guess I let him be my happiness instead of You...again. Why do I always mess it up? What do I do Lord? Yes this is a desperate cry. Yes I spend time trying to make each post look like it has a solution, a hope, ending with a sweet picture and a verse. But this one is raw. I'm tired Lord. I need You to save me. Every time I get closer to You I fall. It is so much easier to fall than to get to where I was, where I want to be. Pull me out Lord. This mind is troubled and kinda going crazy. I don't even know what to pray Lord. I feel lost again. I don't want to go back to where I was but I can feel myself slipping. I know I messed up but I thought it was fixable. I prayed for your will then went against it. But can't I get a second chance? Is that even what I wan? Reveal to me what I really want, what will actually make me whole. Your love. Your grace. They're all I need. Overwhelm me with them. I hate feeling this way. I want to let You be enough for me. Don't give up on me. Please rescue me.